I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
