I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
