Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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