Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
