i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
