i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
