I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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