You're completely useless in the revolution.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
