how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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