all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
