i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
