4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
