how can u be prego again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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