is wine microwaveable?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
