try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
