It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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