He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
