I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize