Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
