I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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