I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize