I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
