Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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