I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
