Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
