When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
