By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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