remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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