ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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