Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
