two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
