ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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