I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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