put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this just has baby written all over it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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