Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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