Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
