Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
