i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
