you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
