3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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