New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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