He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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