Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
