You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
