Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
