I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
