I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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