So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
