I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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