I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
