maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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