The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
