Taylor Swift is so right about you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
