I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
two words...techno handjob
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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