is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
