kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
