Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I love having hate sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
