i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
