we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize