their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
