PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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