That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
