I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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