its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
