either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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